I know what I want to say but...

No one who knows me will ever accuse me of being at a loss for words.

Unless it's under extraordinary circumstances, I usually have a pretty good handle on what I want to say, when I want to say it.

Lately though, I feel like someone stole my words.

There are a loads of things I want to say, but the articulation is proving trickier than I imagined.

In the usual structure of introduction-body-conclusion, I have the beginning down. But then...it sort of trails off and dies. Or gets lost in the muddle of other things that need saying, all at the same time.

So I end up staying quiet.

Coasting along in silence, because it's easier than persevering with my broken sentences.

It's beginning to show though.

The silences beam through the cracks in the words.

How To Turn Yourself Into A Lady

Whenever I talk to BG, there are words of wisdom to be had.

Here's another kitchen conversation example that I have her permission to share.

"I could just walk around with a book on my head. Because that's what I've learned from all those movie montages. As soon as you put a book on your head, you automatically know which fork to use for what. It's that simple."

WTF??!!!

Yesterday I sat next to a girl in class.

She was blonde, had blue eyes and for all intents and purposes looked.... well, white.

Then she turned to me and spoke;

In Hindi.

Not just Hindi, DELHI Hindi (for the uninitiated, that's the really good kind of Hindi).

It had been a very long time since I was that dumbstruck.

There's just no accounting for predictability any more.

Come to me, all ye...

I am a freak magnet.

I am convinced of this. If there is a weirdo/creep/socially maladjusted person within 10 kilometres of me, they will find themselves drawn to me for some inexplicable reason.

And then stay there.

This isn't to say that I don't meet normal people, because I do. I know tons of them. But it seems that none of them have the freak-shows lining up in their lives.

It's just me.

So while I'm cruising along trying to figure out the 'purpose' of my life etc etc, I'm desperately avoiding even considering the fact that this could be it.

Maybe I'm the supposed to be the one that saves them from themselves, stays friends with them despite all their innumerable and oh-so-obvious problems, tell people that they're really not as strange as they appear to be (even though I know better)... you get the picture.

I want to be the one that has the normal people... so this run of luck had better take a turn for the better. To think that this will continue for the rest of my life... I shudder at the thought.

With friends like these...

Conversation with a friend after a particularly painful visit to the dentist.

Me: Does my face still look swollen?
Friend: Nope, you don't look any chubbier than usual.

Bubble-Pop

Like most other people, I have an idea of what 'normal' constitutes. The events, behaviours, situations etc that can be confined within this realm of possibilities.

But ever so often, I come across things that don't quite fit into that category.

Like the man of God, that can molest little children and still celebrate mass in Church.

Or the father that rapes his daughter because a Tantrik tells him it will help his business prospects.

The man who agrees to an arranged marriage, and then tells his new bride he's gay.

The boy who watched his mother suffer his father's infidelity, and then follows his good example in multiples many times over.

The people who lecture endlessly on ethics and morals and the importance of honesty, and then can't string two truthful sentences together.

The religious group that defends the traditional values of a country, and then beats up its women.

The women who gossip freely, and then scream off the rooftops about loose tongues when their daughters are talked about.

I've always wondered what kind of logic is followed by people in these situations. What possible explanations could they have that would make their actions normal. Someone once told me that being drunk was no excuse for making bad decisions, no matter how much your judgement was hampered. Something I argued against vehemently! Now I'm wondering, isn't it so much worse when you're perfectly sober, with (for all intents and purposes) perfectly sound judgement, and still making horrible decisions?

But I think a part of me no longer wants to know. Maybe it is a bubble that I live in and denial is my best friend. But if that bubble protects me from understanding the skewed logic of absolute and complete sickos, then I'm quite alright!

True Story

I can never look at my parent's friends quite the same way after I heard this little... anecdote(?) about them.

They're at a boring party where the wife decides to drink a little to liven things up.

Someone: Oh, you and Mr. X look so young.. just like newlyweds!

Wife: Well, not so much in the bedroom!

Husband (intervening) : I think you're a little drunk...

Wife: You'd have to be drunk to be at this party!

Perfect People

The people who were a part of the happiest times in my life are surrounded by an aura of perfection.

I met some of my 'perfect people' today, and was so relieved that the magic of spending time with them had not faded. The conversations you can have with the friends of your past, the ones who know you and all the stupid, almost insignificant details that make you who you are, are irreplaceable.

After hours of talking that seemed to go by in minutes, I realised that maybe the happiness came from being with them, and not so much from what was going on at the time. And there is a comfort in knowing that someone gets me, and will always know what I'm saying even when no one else does.

In these days when I seem to be not making a whole lot of sense, it's reassuring to know that at least two people think I'm not just plain crazy... yet.

Deja Vu?

A long, long time ago my grandfather had a dream about my parents and my brother having an accident on the way to Hyderabad. They were driving from Bombay to visit my grandparents. My grandfather dreamt that my parents hit the 7th pillar of a bridge, but no one was seriously hurt.
The next day when they were late in arriving, my grandmother started to panic and my grandfather told her - Don't worry, they've had an accident, but they'll be fine and they'll be here soon.

Last week, I had a dream. I dreamt of a neighbour who I had not seen in several months, and hardly ever spoke to even when I did see her. We were in church, and celebrating some event - it seemed like an anniversary of sorts. I thought it strange the next morning, because this woman was not close to me, nor a close friend of my family, but gave it no more thought.

That afternoon, my mother sent me a message saying that the neighbour had died that morning.

A few days later, I was speaking of a friend who I hadn't heard from in a very long time - and a few hours after that, he called to say hello.

For several years now, I have very strong, recurring thoughts to call a friend at strange hours of the night. And when I call the next morning or afternoon, she tells me that she had been feeling low or depressed the night before.

I'm not a great believer in the sixth sense - women's intuition, sure! But never this level of premonition.

I'm starting to scare the crap out of myself!