The Party of a Lifetime

I'm not trying to be morbid, but I frequently think about my funeral.
I've planned it out like I would any birthday party. Given some thought to the food, the drink, the decor, dress code and of course, the entertainment; as with any other, the speeches should be kept to a minimum!

When my grandad died, one of my aunts knocked me on the head for laughing too loudly the next day. Someone had said something funny, and I'd reacted. But of course, this wasn't 'proper'. I didn't take into consideration that the fact that I could laugh made is seem like I was grieving less for someone I loved. When I thought about it later, it seemed to me that my grandfather would've wanted a whole lot more laughing and a whole lot less crying at his wake.

Anyway. Since then, I've planned my own funeral in elaborate detail.
There will be no wearing of black. I'd like colour to help brighten up a sad day with a little visual stimulation. People always talk about funerals as a celebration of the person's life but then dress in black and white as if going to an extremely boring business meeting. For me, bring out the blues, reds, greens and yellows, and look happy about it!

There will also be good singing. I've had this arranged before anything else - I told a friend he would sing either at my wedding or my funeral, whichever comes first. At this present stage in my life, it seems the former is nowhere in sight so the funeral it will have to be.

Then there is the waxing eloquent about how lovely and perfect the dead person was. Hardly any eulogy tells the truth. Again, no one wants to be disrespectful of those dearly departed, prefering instead to lie in church about his/her nonexistent virtues. I'd like whoever spoke for me to keep it short, and keep it honest. A ten minute talk perhaps, outlining the main points - I had a terrible temper, made some horribly impulsive or ill-judged decisions, had more friends than enemies, loved my family, my dog and my food - all in equal measure, and for the most part, was pretty darn happy.

And then on to the things I love best - food, drink and merrymaking in the company of fun people.
The party of a lifetime, to celebrate mine.

The Bottomless Pit

It's nice to know that there are more of us out there, whose stomachs are bottomless pits.

An hour after we ate a fairly substantial meal, my friend looks at me seriously and asks;

"We did eat, right? It doesn't feel like it."